Tom Tingles

Alright. I know I've always said that Andrew Garfield was my favourite Spidey, and I still think he was a fresh breeze of cavalier air after the somewhat dour Tobey Maguire, who still wasn't really bad at his take, but "Far From Home" convinced me to join everyone else in 2016 and accept that Tom Holland is god tier Spidey. And that's even with my soft spot for the Ultimate Peter Garfield reminded me of. Tom even nails the aspects of that version. It's not really news to anyone but me. In some ways, it's not even news to me. But Tommy's a wondrous distillation of some kind of Platonic Spider-Ideal.

And the movie as a whole is my favourite Spider-Man film. Even its mix of high school jinks and rangy adventure brings to my mind the Ultimate comics that elevated

the character to new heights in my young mutant heart. Also, while I'm somewhat ambivalent about the direction of the credits scene, the character who steered it was a welcome surprise of the grandest order.

The fact that Mysterio's presented as a fusion of my two favourite Avengers doesn't hurt either.

Bonus Question!

Mysterio's described as a mix of Iron Man and Thor, just like Sigurd Stark, the Iron Hammer of the Infinity Warps event. Who wins?

Mysterio's extra stylish in the movie, but he's still just a trickster. Not even a trickster god. Iron Hammer's

got divine science magic. And a hammer. So . . .

Spider-Prose

 "Spider-Verse" basically looked like a blend of every kind of animation. 2-D. 3-D. Clay. Like . . . Digital clay.

Weird thing. It's doing really well. My theatre was packed. But most of the people I've mentioned it to barely seem to know that it exists. Anyway.

I knew some of the cast before I saw it, but I wasn't expecting Lily Tomlin. Getting Ms. Frizzle to aid in numinously scientific dimensional weirdness feels appropriate somehow.

And somehow, tired, bedraggled Peter B. Parker looked like a pretty version of his voice actor Jake Johnson. Maybe it's mostly the art style? His face is just a more angular version of Jake's? Maybe the resemblance is nothing more than the natural similarity between the demeanours of two white dudes in their 30s with brown hair and stubble. That's a possibility.

Bonus Question!

Best white dude in his 30s with brown hair and stubble?

I don't know, but I'll be 30 in a year,

my sideburns are brown, and I've been trying the stubbly look for the last few days for the fun of it. Maybe I'll be in the running.

The Quippy Thwipster

A new Spider-Man movie is on the scene, which makes it a natural time to think about the old ones. Personally, Andrew Garfield embodied much of what I like about the character, and the direction at least allowed him to display more of Spidey's trademark humour in combat than I saw in the Raimi films. He's the Quippy Thwipster! You can't have one without the other! You need both, guys! You need both.

I don't have a huge issue with Tobey, but he is on the dour side, and while his voice work in films like "Cats and Dogs" and "Boss Baby" ably demonstrates that he can be quite expressive vocally, I find that his face just isn't naturally emotive. And for a superhero, he doesn't actually spend enough time in a mask for that to be unnoticeable.

I'm sure that depressive Spidey is the iconic version to many, as brooding Batman is to hordes of people who've grown up since the 70s. I won't deny that there is a sadness at the core of Peter Parker, but I've preferred its more neurotic interpretations. The Spider-Man who related to me was closer to a bratty Woody Allen than he was to Willy Loman.

Speaking of Batman, I relished  Harry Osborn's development over the Raimi trilogy. By the end, he seemed from his perspective like a hero in the Bruce Wayne tradition. He thinks that Spider-Man's the monster who took his father's life, and he takes up a mask and gadgets to get his vengeance. He even had the patiently affectionate old butler! Harry just happened to be wrong.

Honestly, I cherished the cast of those movies. If you switched in Garfield for Maguire, it's basically perfect. And that has to be at least a part of the reason for my inability to find significant fault with the movies Garfield starred in. You gave me the Spider-Man I recognised. You gave me the most important part. But honestly, much of the rest of those seemed enjoyable to me too. Emma Stone? For instance? As Kirsten Dunst did before her, she played an unconventional but interesting version of a classic Spidey girl.

And then there's Jamie Foxx's Electro, who's clearly been taking classes at the Notice Me, Senpai School of Villainy, a venerable institution that includes among its alumni the Jim Carrey Riddler and the Guy Pearce Mandarin. The Topher Grace Venom applied, but he was denied for excessive cologne use. It's a bit of a shame. He would have been at the top of his class in Imitating the Envied Hero 101.

And Paul Giamatti? Mwah! As the Rhino? Double mwah!

And I just realised that it follows in the tradition of ending a set of Spider-Man movies by giving a bad guy role to a lead from "Sideways".

Bonus Question!

Brattiest Woody Allen?

Owen Wilson.

Electricity is clearly the better way to wake up. 

Doctors and Dragon Balls

I do believe that the latest “Doctor Who” holiday special was my favourite. For one thing, it was about the idea of a superhero, which is  a pretty easy route to my heart. Its guest star did an excellent job in that role, and his portrayal of his heroic persona’s secret identity immediately brought to mind an adult Peter Parker. Then I began to think that I recognised the actor from something. A modicum of research revealed that the only thing from which this vague familiarity could have possibly come was “Dragon Ball Evolution”, that live “Dragon Ball” movie that barely bore any resemblance to any other form of “Dragon Ball”. But the actor’s charm was still pretty apparent in that Goku role, and the incoherent choice to make him a high school student in that film helped to reinforce the feel of a teenage Peter Parker. For having essentially  played Spider-Man at both developmental stages without ever explicitly playing Spider-Man, Justin Chatwin gets some serious love from me. And an award? It’s the season for that. I just don’t know if there’s any award show that’s specifically about Spider-Man minutiae. There are the Webby Awards, but I think that those are mainly about the internet. Anyway. Just saying. Saiyan? Shh. No. But if there were Spider-Man awards with such esoteric categories, this would be the year to give him one in apology for passing him over when that “Dragon Ball” thing came out. Because that’s how award shows work.

Bonus Question!

Best Spider-Man reference that’s not actually a Spider-Man reference?

The special was called “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”. It’s actually just referring to the title of “Doctor Who” in some other language.