Head and Shoulder

Here's what happened.

My shoulders are messed up. Not too bad. But they dislocate with some recurrence. It started with a seizure years ago, and one dislocation makes subsequent ones easier. They're just loose, my man. I've been working on it, but solving it isn't really feasible without surgery, and surgery's gross. It also has its own uncertainties. But I actually have a trapezius now! That's a win.

Anyway, on Monday, I think that I found another new way to dislocate my shoulder, and this one's probably the weirdest. There have been a  bunch. I was dancing about as I was waiting for the train, and in this process, I briefly hopped up on a bench. As I jumped down, I banged my head into a sign, which wasn't a big issue for my head, but somehow the recoil or something knocked my shoulder out, and it took a bit of a while for me to pop it back in, diring which I was hobbling about in a pained hunch. I know that my brand is basically being the weirdest guy in the room, but it must have been especially strange to see someone hit his head and immediately start struggling with his shoulder. It was odd for me, and I at least had some idea of what happened.

Bonus Question! 

Are the Gyllenhaals the Cusacks of this century?

Wingy Queens

So. I have watched all of "Game of Thrones", but I didn't care enough to pay real attention to the details about all the criticisms of its final season. But I did just see the new Maleficent movie.

And I've got to say, if your main complaint was in the fact that Daenerys was a queen who hung around with fantastical winged beasts instead of a queen who actually was a fantastical winged beast, I think "Maleficent: Mistress of Evil" could wash away those Westeros woes.

It also has the actor who played the less bland version of Daario, and he's probably going to have a thing with the wingy queen lady in this too.

Bonus Question!

Best fantastical winged beast?

I've always felt an affinity for the phoenix.

I mean, yeah. There's the whole thing of always getting back up. But also they're shiny, flighty things, and I feel that deep.

New Materials

Oh, man! I loved the Dark Materials books. I loved the aborted film adaptation. I knew I had to check out the new series when it got released, but I didn’t really pay attention to what was going on.

Then I came home and realised it had come out. After beginning it posthaste, I soon discovered that it made at least one subjective improvement.

I want to say this. Daniel Craig’s awesome. No question. I think one of the people who came with me to my first viewing of the film was a firm devotee. Maybe in part because people said he looked like a skinny Dan? But anyway. Craig just never hit me that deep for whatever reason, but I liked Lord Asriel. Especially since snow leopards are awesome. But you know the guy who’s endless fun for me to watch in anything? That’s right. James McAavoy. The new Asriel.

Good start, His Dark Materials television show!

Bonus Question!

What would Professor Xavier’s daemon be?

Owl. Wise and almost regal but potentially sinister.

Grimly Phoenix

Just saw "Dark Phoenix". Can't understand the hate. It was a fun X-Men film filled with classic X-Men nonsense. Like "Apocalypse". On a tonal level, I did prefer "Apocalypse", but that's  because it was more uplifting, and my own tastes might have liked that to be the end point. But I'm also the guy who used to end the Ziggy Stardust album on "Suffragette City" because "Suicide" seemed too dour to end on, and now that's one of my favourite songs.

But it's pretty rare for a dude to get a second chance at seeing his vision through without interference, and that's what Kinberg got for this after the complications of "Last Stand". He rose from the ashes of that and made his Phoenix play here.

I will say that the X-Men uniform popped better onscreen than I expected, though I still would have preferred the wilder costumes that were teased at the end of "Apocalypse". What else popped? Mystique's hair. That  coif was radical. It could have come from a bottle called "Radical Red". Pure comic book colour. Cheers for that. And cheers to Kinberg for managing to convince her to come back for endless hours of makeup application.

And I realise now that Tye Sheridan might have won the casting call in large part by virtue of his mouth. That blind pout is pure Cyclops. I loved Marsden in the old movies, but he might have almost been too stylish for the role. He might have made me like Scott more than I should have. But Tye's performance is incredibly honest.

Also. At one point, the X-Men are antagonised by the Mutant Control Unit or whatever, with big letters on their outfits that read "MCU", which seems appropriate after all the legal issues between the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Fox's X-Men franchise.

And the ending reminded me of the epilogue to "Dark Knight Rises", which mainly had the effect of making me want to watch a conversation between Xavier and Michael Caine. It doesn't even have to be with Alfred. Any Michael Caine.

Bonus Question!

How was the last season of "Jessica Jones"?

She's not my favourite character of the Netflix Defenders, but for some reason, her show always goes down smoothest.

Forgetful Detecting

I kept forgetting Bill Nighy was in "Detective Pikachu" before I finally saw it. But he is. And it was.

Awesome. It was awesome.

I'd heard people say that it was weak outside of seeing live Pokemon, but I might tend towards the inverse. It was a fun adventure film outside of the visuals, which are never my main draw to a movie. The Pokemon looked good, but they didn't seem miraculously realistic. They just had an overall design that brought their level of detail up, but I'd still say Jar-Jar and company looked more natural in a real world than anything here. That's no knock against the film. I liked how it maintained a bit of the cartoony feel of the franchise, but my experience was at odds with a lot of what I'd heard about the film.

Anyway, it's a fun time. And the ending was an adorable surprise.

Best Eevee?

Sylveon. Because fairies.

Dirty Rocking Scoundrels

I just saw "The Hustle", which turned out to be a remake of "Bedtime Story", which I haven't seen, and "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", which I loved. But I just discovered that "Scoundrels" got Steve Martin and Mikey Caine after a proposition to et Bowie and Jagger fell through, and now I want that nonexistent film hard. We could have had the cinematic equivalent of their "Dancing in the Streets" cover! Eh. Lass.

Bonus Question!

Mick Jagger the street fighting man or Mick Jagger who dances in the street? Place of battle is the street.

Well, one might expect the guy who's known for fighting in streets to win a fight in a street, but there were some pretty impressive kicks in that other video. Although they might've come from David Bowie.

Spring Beaching

I saw "The Beach Bum". It was basically like watching a whole movie about Sam Rockwell's Zaphod Beeblebrox soundtracked by turning on a classic rock station at random. Which is to say . . . It was alright for me.

Directed by the dude who did "Spring Breakers". I don't leave movies early often, but when I realised that it wouldn't stop being a series of disconnected scenes with little salient dialogue, I ran across town to see the G.I. Joe sequel instead. Which was delightful. With The Rock.

Bonus Question!

Best Beach Boy?

In high school, my default answer was Dennis, but I haven't examined that since.

Avengers 4-Ever After

Restlessness lost! I was worried about being able to sit through the running time of "Endgame" despite fervent desire to see it,  which drove me further to see it with company in an extra effort to fight off that discomfort. But I probably would have managed without that. Honestly, the pacing might have suited me more than that of "Infinity War" despite the increased length.

Another mild surprise?

I liked the quantum suits more than I thought I would when the Avengers actually put them on. The colour palette still isn't my favourite, but it lent a bit of a Japanese super squad effect to things. Like Power Rangers or Voltron. That kind of thing. It mitigated the loss of those diverse costumes with more inherent appeal.

And Rob Downey basically felt like Ian Malcolm for the first 15 minutes, which hit me with a bit of desire to see Stark hang with the Grandmaster. Though even when the first "Iron Man" came out, I felt a sort of affinity between Jeff and Downey. Anyway.

Also, isn't this around the 3rd anniversary of that comic  where Cap first hailed Hydra? It was amusing to hear that line cheered in the movie after its harsh decrial in the books.

Ultimately? Ridiculous. But not ridicilulous like the Ultimate universe's analogous chapter ender Ultimatum, which was a whole other kind of ridiculousness. This was far more satisfying, in part because it still left a full world that allows for all sorts of future stories to be told. After Ultimatum, that universe felt slightly like the first bit of "Endgame" where the whole world was depressed after the snap. People say the movie's take a lot from Ultimate Marvel, but regardless of that claim's truth, they're better at wiping the slate clean. For one thing, they actually clean it instead of smashing it to bits.

And hey. The longest paragraph of my "Endgame" post was only tangentially related to the film. Seems on brand.

Also! In being a saga ender with an expressive green giant, a bunch of time travel in sevice of fixing a broken world, and a notably attractive character that got fat and lazy, "Endgame" really reminded me of "Shrek Forever After". And because "Endgame" had a mellow Kinks song in it, I was also reminded of my friend's insistence on listening to his favourite "Waterloo Sunset" in the car as he drove me from the Shrek movie. I was also listening to a lot of Kinks before I went to see "Endgame", but it wasn't the mellow stuff.

Bonus Question!

Best Hawkeye moment?

Jeremy Renner has his own kind of endearing charm, but it's not that of comic book  Clint Barton. That's fine, but Jer's "totally awesome" line felt like the closest thing to the Hawkeye of the page.

With the possible exception of pictures of young Jeremy Renner.

Hella Boys

So. New Hellboy movie.

Here's the thing. Guillermo del Toro has inimitable charm, and the same can be said for Ron Perlman. Though the films they made together largely predated the modern superhero movie landscape and its fairly consistent ability to distill the outlandish glories of its source material into quality cinema, they were well made, well performed, and filled with the eccentric warmth of their director. It's hard not to want more of that.

But if you put that aside, 2019's "Hellboy" is a fun romp too.  Some of the marketing made it seem overly grom, which probably would have made me miss the Guillermo works, but honestly, the actual film didn't feel too different in overall tone from the previous stuff. The biggest difference was probably the preponderance of hard rock in the soundtrack, which seems like something Guill wouldn't do too much, but I don't actually remember. I walked in slightly late, but the first scene I saw was some sort of masked wrestling match, and professional wrestling is probably a good point of comparison for the film's feel. Machismo, hard rock, and a kind of endearing ridiculousness leavened by an implicit absence of self-seriousness.

Bonus Question!

Best boy from Hell?

Daimon Hellstrom, Son of Satan!

Not actually the son of Satan! But still the son of one of many demons who claim that name in the Marvel universe! Also probably has a portal to Hell in his kitchen or something! Also called Hellstorm!

Shazamming

Just saw "Shazam". It's a movie about a child mind in an adult body with sparkly power. I couldn't miss it.

Also, it followed "Spider-Man 2" in the classic superhero movie tradition of having a villain who looks like a dude in Matrix cosplay.

One other thing. The combination of the marketing slogan "Just Say The Word" in combination with the throwback 80s feel makes me think of Phil Collins's "Sussudio", and I don't know if that was intentional. In any case, it's my head canon theme song for the movie.

Bonus Question!

Are Redditors in Reddit's Star Wars section Jeditors?

Mottled Up

I didn't know that they actually put that Motley Crue movie into production until the weekend of its release. The guy who told me about it was this dude who'd booked some shows for me in the past, and he actually looked like the movie's Nikki Sixx.

But yeah. Crue was one of my favourite bands around 2006. I read "The Dirt". I read Tommy Lee's book too. Around that time, there was all sorts of talk about a feature film adaptation of the Crue biography with Val Kilmer and Christopher Walken in the roles of David Lee Roth and Ozzy Osbourne. Tommy Lee wanted Johnny Depp to play him because he apparently thought they were quite alike, but the general consensus was Ashton Kutcher. Obviously, Ash basically looked like a somewhat more built Tommy. The dude in this movie looked like a skinnier Ashton. It worked. 

But yeah. It was basically what it should have been. I still would have liked to see those wild casting choices from 2006. Val's basically circled back around to the point where he could convincingly play a dissipated Diamond Dave. For those 2 seconds or whatever.

And if I hadn't heard about it from that dude at the beginning of the day, I would have learned by evening from my band.

But it's still not my favourite movie based around the music of Motley Crue. That honour goes to "Hot Tub Time Machine".

Bonus Question!

Best weird casting for a rock star?

I saw "Walk Hard" after I'd already watched "Darjeeling Limited". I remember sitting beside this girl I liked during "Darjeeling" and noting Jason Schwartzman's resemblance in a scene to Ringo Starr. She mumbled agreement.

I later watched "Walk Hard", which featured deliberately miscast Beatles in one scene, but Jason Schwartzman's Ringo seemed out of place because he  actually looked like a natural fit.

Alien Slaying

I finally saw "Captain Marvel", and I really just want to say that I loved the look of the Skrulls. For real. They reminded me of random villains from "Buffy", which totally feels appropriate for an emotionally oblique blond heroine in the 90s.

Also, these movie versions do a good job of looking distinct from Thanos, who's always basically looked like a Skrull with a purple tan and an Infinity Gauntlet full of protein powder.

Bonus Question!

Best flavour of protein powder?

I've been swearing by maple syrup pancake, but the new Reese's peanut butter cup kind intrigues me. Can anyone attest to it?

Aladdin Stained

I don't really know why people are so down on Will Smith's genie. He'll be fine.

Actually, what he'll be is Will Smith. Blue skin, which would look like that on anyone, won't change anyone's opinions of him. Personally, I tend to enjoy his antics, and he did a pretty good job of breaking out of my head casting of Jeffrey Dean Morgan for Deadshot. He's not a perfect fit for everything, but at the very least, his roles don't suffer by comparisons to other actors. He'll never fall into anyone's shadow because he's at the level where he doesn't even live under the same sun that creates other people's shadows in the first place. He's like Robin Williams in the fact that he has his own orbit, which is important when you're replacing such a prestigious dude. In light of the fact that the new "Lion King" guys brought back James Earl Jones to record his lines again because they didn't think that a replacement for that iconic voice would be accepted , I'm inclined to think Robin Williams's death was the only thing that prevented his inclusion in the "Aladdin" remake from being discussed. With his absence from the world, getting a star who's ebulliently charming in a unique way that's not comparable to Robin seems like the best call.

I'm probably not going to see "The Lion King" because it replaces the original's heightened cartoonish aesthetic with a level of realism I don't personally care for, but it'll be fine. But I am actually feeling some excitement for "Aladdin".

Bonus Question!

Best blue humanoid?

Nightcrawler.

Flyndral

So. Pretty excited for "Shazam".

Before this, I was aware of Zach Levi's history in the Thor movies with the character of Fandral. I didn't realise that he was also Flynn in the Tangled franchise. Still doing it in the ongoing series and Kingdom Hearts even. Which means that he's played two fantastical characters inspired by Errol Flynn? That speaks well of the dude to my mind. Now I want to see his Shaz even more.

Bonus Question!

"Tangled" versus "Frozen"?

Both are good, but I was more receptive to "Tangled" at the time. Flynn was probably a big part of that. But I think Elsa's become my favourite princess since. We'll see how I feel when the sequel arrives. Also, hey! Disney cartoon  with a theatrical sequel! Yay!

What Mels Want

Kurt Russell. Jeff Bridges. Michael Douglas?

Now I've found another dude I can mistake for one of these 80s icons. Brian Bosworth!

That was my takeaway from "What Men Want".

I think that "What Women Want" was one of those movies I watched repetitiously during a hotel stay when I was a kid. You know how it is. Or was. I don't know how it is now. But you'd rent it once from the hotel's instant video service and put it on again whenever you were getting ready for bed or something because you didn't want to pay for something new. "America's Sweethearts" was another one of those. Less Mel Gibson, more Billy Crystal.

Bonus Question! 

Favourite Mel Gibson role?

The Lethal Weapon guy. The hair probably helped. It was almost like Billy Crystal's.

Kid Knights

Watched "The Kid Who Would Be King"! I kept wanting to call it "The Boy Who Would Be King", but that's probably another thing with a similar premise. It's a great premise, and I shall never tire of it. Modern kids get involved in medieval nonsense! Give it to me. I still remember watching "A Kid in King Arthur's Court" or whatever it was when I was little and not knowing what a Big Mac was. From context, I assumed that it was slang for "hamburger". Or maybe a specific type? Close enough.

I also kept thinking that Bill Nighy was going to be adult Merlin in this because I vaguely remembered hearing that the actor was some awesome old British guy. Who turned out to be Patrick Stewart. Very different flavour. But either could have done it.

But yeah. Kid knights. Always good.

Bonus Question!

Next medieval blend movie the world needs?

If there simply must be a breather from kid knight stories, let's go with Muppets. They've done pirates and space. Let's see them get medieval.

A Fine Film Without Garofalo

I didn't really have a problem with Michael Bay's Transformers movies. The second one was fun, and the last one had Anthony Hopkins and Arthurian legend. But "Bumblebee" does feel like a better made movie. A bit of that old Spielberg feel with the best modernity has to offer in the category of giant robot fights. And also that woman from "Californication"! The wife of the friend or whatever. And I initially thought that she was Janeane Garofalo. That would have been a bonus. But no. This was a fine film even without Janeane Garofalo.

Bonus Question!

Should I watch "Mystery Men" again soon?

I should probably watch "Mystery Men" again soon.

You can see it. 

Spider-Prose

 "Spider-Verse" basically looked like a blend of every kind of animation. 2-D. 3-D. Clay. Like . . . Digital clay.

Weird thing. It's doing really well. My theatre was packed. But most of the people I've mentioned it to barely seem to know that it exists. Anyway.

I knew some of the cast before I saw it, but I wasn't expecting Lily Tomlin. Getting Ms. Frizzle to aid in numinously scientific dimensional weirdness feels appropriate somehow.

And somehow, tired, bedraggled Peter B. Parker looked like a pretty version of his voice actor Jake Johnson. Maybe it's mostly the art style? His face is just a more angular version of Jake's? Maybe the resemblance is nothing more than the natural similarity between the demeanours of two white dudes in their 30s with brown hair and stubble. That's a possibility.

Bonus Question!

Best white dude in his 30s with brown hair and stubble?

I don't know, but I'll be 30 in a year,

my sideburns are brown, and I've been trying the stubbly look for the last few days for the fun of it. Maybe I'll be in the running.

Aquabrothers

I saw "Aquaman" with my brother, which seemed appropriate for a film about fraternal bonds. He and I probably have a better relationship than Orm and Aquaman though. I'd heard that the film was going to be an underwater mix of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, and I was there for it. The aesthetics definitely sold that. I mean, damn. If you want to see what an Atlantean Stormtrooper would be like, you're going to get that. But the family dynamics felt like a blend of "Game of Thrones" and "Arrested Development". If there were a House Bluth, Patrick Wilson's Orm would be its main face.

Overall, the movie's good enough to make up for the fact that its existence means that we'll never get to see Momoa's naturally perfect performance of Lobo, but at least both characters share an affinity for dolphins.

Also, kid Arthur in the prologue totally looked like a young Vincent Chase.

Bonus Question!

Mrs. Coulter versus Atlanna! Battle of the blond mothers played by Nicole Kidman!

Coulter's formidable, but Atlanna survived the Trench. She's got to have the edge.

Fairy Fantasy Featuring Finn

At the moment, I'm alternating between two modern fantasy trilogies that focus on changeling lore with supporting characters named "Finn". This is in part because reading the books in a series contiguously feels slightly excessive. But in this case, there's still a brief moment in th first few minutes of the new book in one series that makes me miss the feel of the previous series. It's because of those similarities that highlight the differences. But nah. Both are great.

Also! I just saw "Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald", and I have to assume that the first part of the title is in reference to Eddie Redmayne and Ezra Miller. Incidentally, Jamie Campbell-Bower plays a younger version of Johnny Depp's character, which is what I erroneously assumed that he was doing when I walked in late to the cinema for a showing of "Sweeney Todd".

Bonus Question!

Best fin?