Scooby Dreams

This dream I had. The first thing I vividly remember is crouching under a truck in a downtown street with the Scooby-Doo humans. But there was no supernatural threat? There was a businessman who said his company was replacing two miles of fuel lines under the street or something with a safer alternative? But it wasn’t safer at all. The entire area above that stretch of land was being made incredibly toxic, but the businessman had one guy at the corner to tell everyone it was safe. And I ran in to tell people the business was clearly lying, whereupon something happened that tells me even my subconscious might not really know what the phrase “toxic shock” actually refers too. There was this whole miasma in that poisoned area, and when I ran into it, it was like running into an electric barrier or something in a video game. There was this buzz and a flash, and I collapsed to the ground. But I actually felt it. It almost felt like a seizure. When I woke, I felt physically fine, but my mind needed to be convinced nothing bad actually happened.

I did look up toxic shock though. It is not in fact being electrocuted by poisonous air or whatever. I think it’s more like getting really sick really fast from a bad infection or something. Which sounds gross and worse. So whatever. But listen. If there were a 90s supervillain named Toxic Shock, I’m pretty sure their power would be to poison you with electric blasts.

Mulanimal Crackers

I have nothing against it, but I really doubt I’m going to see the live “Mulan” movie. I liked the original, but I think my personal experience of the remake would be similar to my assumptions around the 2019 “Lion King”. Too much of the charm is missing to my tastes. In the case of “Mulan”, that charm is largely coalesced in the form of a diminutive dragon with the voice of Eddie Murphy.

But you know what else got released to streaming around the same time? “Animal Crackers”! A movie about officially licensed Animal Crackers with the voices of Ian McKellen, Office Jim, and others of epic merit. With heart! Apparently, it was a huge passion project for some of its creators to the point where one of them painted the official poster by hand. And one of the directors turned out to be the guy behind the animated “Mulan”.

So you know what? “Animal Crackers” is to me the real successor to cartoon “Mulan” for the summer of 2020. Confirmed.

Bonus Question!

I just realized Eddie Murphy’s Mushu could be a descendant of Eddie Murphy’s Donkey and his dragon wife.

Comics, Cartoons, Comedy

Man, that final weekend in August. The August of not a lot of movies!

And this one weekend had three big ones I had to see. Who knew a day would come when an X-Men movie would not be prioritized of all else for me after a lifetime of my affinity for the franchise? And it’s not because I’m not excited. I’d be here for it even if no one else thought it looked good. And public opinion is not seeming to be largely against its quality.

Nah. I’m holding off on that, which is a film that looks somewhat appropriate for the Halloween season in its horror overtones, and the new Bill-Ted movie because of Phineas and Ferb. It hasn’t done much in years, but I still love the soundtrack, which includes some cuts from their first movie, like the song Slash played on. And was called out in for the guitar solo.

Now they have another movie, and since the whole franchise is predicated on endless summer, it felt right to fit it within the season. So yeah. In the words of Phineas, “Alright, Slash, let’s go.”

All of you are called Slash for the purposes of that quotation.

Bonus Question!

Worst Phineas?

Phineas Mason, the Tinkerer, was a bit of a jerk. Especially to Spider-Man.

Mermaid Energy

So. I never actually watched “The Little Mermaid” in its entirety. It came out in the year before I was born, and my parents didn’t really go out of their way to get a bunch of Disney stuff till I arrived. Thus, I have vivid memories of constantly watching “Aladdin” and “The Lion King” in my early years. 

I always meant to get around to it, but I never did until I started seeing this girl who loved it. She had strong mermaid energy anyway, and she seemed like the right person to watch it with.

Seeing it in its fullness for the first time felt like connecting all the scattered dots I’d accumulated through osmosis and occasional peripheral clips over the course of the last three decades. Everything finally got assembled and reinforced by a bunch of songs I didn’t really know.

I always liked “Under the Sea” though.

Sebastian’s got wild pipes.

Bonus Question!

Which Sebastian has the wildest pipes above the sea?

 Bach. The guy from Skid Row. Not the composer.

Sinbad, No Cinema

Since the movie theatres have closed down, I've begun replacing my weekly cinema trip with the sort of movie that'd fit in now but got missed because when it came out I wasn't religiously going to a film a week.

I started with an animated Sinbad feature with Brad Pitt in the lead role. Had I heard about this before? Probably. But I definitely forgot.

It served well though. I think it was part of that weakening wave of traditionally animated movies to come out right before the big studious switched entirely to computer generation for the rest of the decade, which let it fall through more cracks than it otherwise might have. Didn't this come out right around "Troy"? Traditionally, I might prefer Achilles, and  Brad Pitt slayed both roles, but his Sinbad movie gave me more of what I want out of historical adventure story. Which includes less pretension about supposedly being historical and more mythic adventure. Balls to an Achilles who's immortal because of luck or whatever! Give me that River Styx coating! Show me a war caused by a petty contest among a few divine sisters! 

And hells! You can even give Sean Bean his own Odyssey spinoff since he managed to avoid dying for a change.

Anyway. That Sinbad cartoon. See it. I can't remember the full title.

Bonus Question!

Best Pitt role?

Maybe the dude in “Megamind”? He was a dude who just wanted to practice his art outside of the spotlight, which fits with Pitt’s whole thing of a dude in a leading man body who’d love to be a character actor.

Bro-nward

I’ve got to say. I’m often up for a weird road movie, and “Onward” clinched it by also being about two brothers, including a daydreaming man-child and a responsible one with a more reasonable outlook on life. I relate to that dynamic. And they’re elves. I also relate to that.

And the spirit of their father lingers in their hearts to inspire them in different ways.

Honestly, the one part I might relate to less is the driving. It’s been a while since I’ve taken up that responsibility.

But still! Awesome movie. One of my favourite cartoons in a while.

Bonus Question!

Best elf brothers?

The Stormrages.

Needs More Play

So. If you were wondering about "The Playmobil Movie", I saw it. I had to rush because it somehow got cut to two showings in the one theater in most of the city after its first week. But I liked it! And this is coming from the guy who wasn't actually that excited about "The LEGO Movie". Which this wasn't actually that similar to? This was closer to classic Jumanji, which always captivates me. Yes! Hapless youths get sucked into a fictional dimension! That's my kind of party! 

Also, Adam Lambert finally gets his time to shine as a cartoon voice after a decade? And Harry Potter's James Bond. Like . . . Come on. Much to love.

Bonus Question!

Favourite story where hapless youths get sucked into a fictional dimension?

Well, it's not actually my favourite, and I don't think I've ever even experienced it firsthand, but if they remade the original Dungeons & Dragons cartoon with modern sensibilities, I'd be there on day one.

Dora's Gold

I was never a devout watcher of "Doea the Explorer", though I did catch an episode or two in high school, and that map song got stuck in my head. Not in an unpleasant way. It's still in there somewhere. But then this new movie came out with all those classic adventure tale trappings I love, and I obviously had to see it. For whatever reason, I wasn't really anticipating the inclusion of the anthropomorphised animals from the cartoon. But they're there. And one's Benicio del Toro. He’s a felonious fox. So hey. That's frosting.
And since that frosting is atop an Indiana Jones cake of archaeologic adventure that's mixed with Spider-Man-style teenage action hero pie, I'm satisfied.

Bonus Question!

Best felonious fox?